25 Other Grandchildren Around Me

1. kuya jr. used to live with my family when i was a tiny tot. he claims i walked in on him a time or two while he and a female friend were--well, i don't quite remember and i'm glad.

2. when i first moved into the dorms, ate irma took me to roscoe's and we had some conversations that gave me a lot of good perspective at a time when i was about to enter a huge chapter in my life. i wish i had hung out with her and the fam more before she moved, but i'm terrible with calling people.

3. kuya war hooks it up with everything. hotel rooms. charger tickets. drinks. full-time jobs. the man deserves every single symbol of success he's earned in life.

4. i owe most of my love for 90's music to kuya nick. he babysat me and my brother every day in the mid-90s and i can remember hearing every single hit song from that era in his car. he used to give me his mix tapes when he knew i really liked a song on them. when i think of blockbuster music (and that's 90's), i think of kuya nick.

5. at the age of 14 i first observed the unique effects alcohol by watching kuya jay at his grad party after getting his masters. here was a former olympic-caliber athlete on his way to being a high school teacher, stalking down the soul train line doing some dance where he tucks his arms at his side, puts two claws out and waves them like a t-rex.

6. if it wasn't for ate michelle, i probably would've never left my house in middle school. i had no friends, but ate would always take us to the movies or family fun center or trick or treating.

7. *Please see note below.

8. kuya dre was my idol growing up. he always had the flyest gear, the cleanest hair style, was an all-star baller, and listened to the hardest of the hardcore rap. he gave me my first fade when i was 13 so i didn't have to part my hair in the middle like freakin J.T.T. no more. and the ladies have been linin' up since! ok jk. but seriously, that haircut saved the rest of my teenage years.

9. ate lilleth gave me a tape of jewel back in the day.none of my other cousins really liked any non-black music at the time, so i always thought ate lilleth was unique like that.

10. ate liselle is always down for this family. she keeps up with everyone, supports everyone, and steps up to take the lead since she knows all the cousins will listen to her. charles anderson is a lucky man.

11. i got all my slang in middle school from kuya virg. i used his jokes at school and people thought i was a riot. i've also experienced every submission hold used in professional wrestling thanks to kuya virg and his cruel humor. love you man.

12. i admire ate kc cause she's always done her own thing. even if it was right or wrong, she did it because she thought it was best for her and didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought.

13. there are a few of my cousins who i'm afraid to be around when they're angry, and wilma is at the top of the list. thankfully, the older i've gotten, the less i am on the receiving end of that anger.

14. justin is my brotha from the same grandmotha. between him, lance, and me, there isn't anything in the world we haven't talked about, laughed about, thought about, wished about, or dreamed and then told each other later about. jus is also the heart of the grandchildren. the family parties light up when he walks through the front door, especially if he's holding some cheesecake. mm!

15. kris is the nicest one out of us. she's also taken the most shit from us throughout the years. put those together and you have maybe the strongest one out of the nocon cousins. with her generosity and ability to face adversity, i know she'll always do well.

16. my brother lance is as real as it gets. he's all about finding the most damn fun no matter where, when, and how.he's my little brother, but i know around his loved ones he's like a game-changer. that moment, that conversation, wherever it is, is always better cause he's there making it a good time. sometimes i wonder where the hell he inherited all that fun, cause it surely wasn't me, mom, or dad.

17. joey probably grew up the fastest out of any one of us. i remember power-bombing this guy when he would stay at our house in the summer cause he was such a twig. joey would beat my ass in a fight now. and he got tattoos. a couple years ago we were worried about him graduating high school, and now this fool probably makes twice my salary. do your thing, joey.

18. i never get to see kristine much. i know she's doing well because at UCI, my brother is always jealous of her grades. come to think of it, i don't think i've heard one bad story about kristine.

19. tiff is gonna change the world. in her 2nd year at ucla she's done 10x as much shit as i did my entire time there. she used to tell me how a few people still knew who i was when she told them she was my cousin as a freshman. but i know by the time she's done, i'll be the one bragging that i'm tiffany nocon's cousin whenever i'm back on campus.

20. jessica also grew up too damn fast. i remember staying at chino hills one summer when megan was just born, and jessica was pouting under megan's crib because no one wanted to play with her anymore. i stopped going to chino hills for a few years and then BOOM, jessica's playing like a 7-footer on her high school basketball team, then she's having a debut, then she's up the freeway from me at college. if i blink again she's already gonna be a nurse!

21. no matter what janice does and how good of a person she is, no one will ever, eva eva eva eva eva let her forget the fact that she picked up a pair of scissors and cut another girl's hair (against that girl's will) in elementary school. it's probably the single favorite elementary school moment for all the nocon cousins.


22. megan's going to do something unique with her life. she's already turning out to be one of those artistic individualistic cool people with the fancy cameras taking random photos, but we all know she's smart and got a good heart, so she's definitely going to be something special.

23. i know patrick is smart because he gets what he wants. he knows what he wants to eat, where he wants to go, what video game he wants to be playing, and what tv show he wants to be watching, and he knows what to say so that he gets it. it could make him lazy, but it could also make him incredibly successful in the future.

24. like his sister kristine, i've never heard a bad thing about matthew. but i do hear that girls at his school have sleepovers and call him. now at his age, that qualifies as pimp status. show them that nocon charm, young man.

25. i can see a little bit of all of the cousins in cheech, which is cool since she's the youngest and maybe last of our generation. she's smart like most of us, quiet like some of us, can take a joke like all of us, and loves to make fun of her bro, which is a classic nocon trait as well.

yeah, the nocon legacy is definitely in good hands.

*That note below
i did an unforgivable thing last night. i skipped #7 of the nocon grandchildren. i have no excuses.

it was far too late to just throw a #7 in there and still give the man his due dignity and respect.

so here, in no particular order, are the top 7 reasons why my kuya pogz is the man:

1. kuya pogz was my sponsor for confirmation.

2. kuya pogz bought me my first lapdance.

i've only made it to #2 and now you already see the range of impact this man has had on my life.

3. after multiple surgeries on his legs throughout the years, kuya pogz will still line up as a wideout and nab a touchdown pass at its highest point. and he has no problem reminding the defense about it afterwards.

4. you don't ever win an argument with kuya pogz. it is both deflating and inspiring. and you do appreciate at the end of the day that someone this persistent will always have your back when it matters.

5. i've seen kuya pogz in his boxers when everyone else in the room was fully clothed about 10-15 times. most of those times were AFTER he turned 30. this guy really knows how to party.

6. being in LA, i never get to hang with the fellas as much. but kuya pogz always makes an effort to keep me in the loop. whether it's giving me a crash course in the routine to "if it isn't love" even though i missed 90% of the practices. or picking me up from the dorms to watch new edition because i didn't have a car. or telling me first thing monday morning that a certain brother of mine fell asleep in the arms of a certain cousin. i never feel like i'm missing out.

7. kuya pogz is a winner. he's been victorious on the basketball court. he's gotten through racism as a kid. he's survived unemployment and heartbreak as an adult. he's beaten death. and when there were doubts that he'd get to be a father, he defeated those too.

i don't know how in the hell i could miss any of that when trying to show what it means to be a nocon. i love you man and please accept my sincerest apologies.